ChatGPT prompts for stand-up writing from your own stories

Turn one story into a setup, a punch and one tag. Story: [STORY]. The true ending: [TRUE ENDING]. Output three labelled lines: Setup (max 40 words), Punch (max 15 words), Tag (max 12 words). The punch must be a turn already in [TRUE ENDING]. If the ending has no turn, write [VERIFY] on Punch and ask me what actually surprised me. Do not invent a second event. Do not write the punch as if a celebrity said it. A quote I fabricated is not a punch.

Decide whether this moment is an act-out or a spoken punch. Moment: [MOMENT]. What my body did: [WHAT MY BODY DID]. What I said: [WHAT I SAID]. Output two versions of at most 80 words each, labelled Act-out and Spoken, then pick one with a 30 word reason from my notes. If I did not describe a body action, write [VERIFY] on Act-out and pick Spoken. Do not invent a physical bit I cannot do. Do not impersonate a celebrity's voice as if it were a quote. A mime of a stranger's disability is off limits.

Write tags that stay inside one punch I already like. Punch: [PUNCH]. Extra facts from that night: [EXTRA FACTS]. Output 5 tags, each 12 words or fewer, numbered. Each tag must use one fact from [EXTRA FACTS] or a mechanic already in the punch. If I have fewer than two extra facts, write [VERIFY] after tag 2 and stop. Do not invent a new story. Do not tag into a protected class. A pile of tags about a group I did not mention is not heightening.

Rewrite a setup so the first guess is wrong, using only facts I supply. Current setup: [CURRENT SETUP]. True fact that lands the punch: [TRUE FACT]. Wrong first guess I want the room to make: [WRONG GUESS I WANT] (must be a guess about my life, not about a group). Output a 50 to 70 word setup plus the punch. If the wrong guess needs a fact I did not live, write [VERIFY] and refuse that guess. Do not invent a crime, an affair or a medical event. Do not aim the misdirect at a protected class.

Build a rule-of-three from three facts I already listed. Fact one: [FACT ONE]. Fact two: [FACT TWO]. Fact three, the turn: [FACT THREE]. Output a 60 to 90 word bit with two straight items and a third that turns, then a one-line tag. Keep the order I gave. If any fact is missing, write [VERIFY] in its place and do not invent a third item. Do not make the third item a celebrity quote. Do not make the turn a punch down. A fake third roommate I never had is not a list.

Map callbacks across bits I already wrote. Bits, in set order: [PASTE FIVE BITS]. Output a table with columns Bit, Object or phrase that could return, Where it first appears, Where it could return. Use only words already in the paste. If a bit has no reusable object, write [VERIFY] in Object. Do not invent a sixth bit. Do not insert a celebrity name as glue. A callback to a slur I cut still counts as punching down, so leave it out.

Write an opening button that plants a later callback, using a plant I already chose. Plant from my set: [PLANT PHRASE]. Opening story: [OPENING STORY]. Output a 40 to 60 word opening that uses the plant once, naturally, then a 15 word note on where it should return, taken from [RETURN BIT]. If the plant is not in the opening story, write [VERIFY] and ask me for a true way it showed up that night. Do not invent a heckle. Do not plant a celebrity impression as if they said the line.

Write a closer that pays off a plant from earlier. Plant: [PLANT PHRASE]. Closer story: [CLOSER STORY]. Last true beat: [LAST TRUE BEAT]. Output a 50 to 80 word closer that uses the plant on the last true beat, then stops. If the plant cannot sit on that beat without a new event, write [VERIFY] and do not force it. Do not invent a standing ovation line. Do not close on a celebrity impression presented as a quote. A bow that needs a tragedy I did not live is off limits.

Write a transition between two bits I already perform. Bit A ending line: [BIT A END]. Bit B first line: [BIT B START]. Shared object if any: [SHARED OBJECT OR NONE]. Output three transition options of at most 20 words, labelled Hard cut, Shared object, Honest shrug. If shared object is NONE, write [VERIFY] on that option and keep Hard cut. Do not invent a story that bridges them. Do not use a protected-class stereotype as glue. A fake 'anyway, speaking of mothers' I do not mean is a tell.

Shape a recurring person from someone in my life I am allowed to joke about. Person: [PERSON ROLE, not a legal name if I want privacy]. Traits they actually have: [TRAITS]. Stories they appear in: [STORIES]. Output a 40 word on-stage label, three lines they could say in my words, and a do-not list from [WHAT I WILL NOT SAY]. If a line needs a quote they never said, write [VERIFY] and drop it. Do not turn them into a celebrity. Do not code them as a protected-class stereotype. Inventing a catchphrase they never used will get me caught by family.

Cut this transcript toward a 5 minute set. Transcript with my timings if I have them: [PASTE TRANSCRIPT]. Minutes I want: [TARGET MINUTES]. Output a keep list of lines in order, a cut list, and a new order if two bits should swap. Keep total talking time at or under the target if timings exist. If timings are missing, write [VERIFY] beside each kept bit and do not invent a duration. Do not add a new joke. Do not keep a punching-down line to 'save time'. A fake 4:30 runtime is how people get the light.

Pick the weakest premise in this set and say why in my terms. Set list: [SET LIST]. Laughs I remember by bit: [LAUGH NOTES]. Output: weakest bit, 40 word reason from my notes, what the set gains if I cut it, and a new running order. If laugh notes are missing, write [VERIFY] and ask me which bit I rush. Do not invent a crowd size or a heckle. Do not keep a bit because it name-drops a celebrity. A story about 'they loved it in Brooklyn' I did not play is not evidence.

Turn my clock times into a set sheet. Bits and times: [BIT TIMES]. Room light I was given: [LIGHT MINUTES]. Output a table with columns Bit, Seconds I recorded, Running total, Over or under the light. Running total must add the seconds I recorded. If a bit has no time, write [VERIFY] in Seconds and exclude it from the total. Do not invent a runtime. Do not pad with a new tag. A made-up 90 second closer will get me the red light in a real room.

Strip explanations that follow punches in this text. Text: [PASTE BIT]. Output the bit with any sentence after a punch removed if that sentence restates the joke. List each removed sentence under Cuts. If you are unsure whether a line is a tag or an explanation, write [VERIFY] beside it and keep it. Do not invent a replacement tag. Do not add a celebrity reference to 'punch it up'. A new analogy I did not say is still an explanation.

Replace general words in this bit with specifics from my notes. Bit: [BIT]. Specifics I lived: [SPECIFICS]. Output the bit with replacements in [brackets of the new word], then a list of swaps. If a general word has no matching specific, write [VERIFY] and leave it. Do not invent a street name, a salary or a school. Do not swap in a slur. A specific I did not live is just a lie with texture.

Write my first 30 seconds from facts I already use on stage. Name I go by: [STAGE NAME]. City or room fact I can prove: [ROOM FACT]. First bit first line: [FIRST LINE]. Output a 50 to 70 word walk-on: greeting, one room fact, then the first line. If the room fact is not something I have seen, write [VERIFY] and drop it. Do not invent a hometown joke. Do not open with a celebrity impression. Do not punch down at the door person. A fake 'I just flew in' I did not fly is a wasted half minute.

Turn house rules I was told into a card I can keep in my pocket. Rules I was told: [HOUSE RULES]. Light I was promised: [LIGHT MINUTES]. Mic notes: [MIC NOTES]. Output a 8 line card: light, what to do at the light, mic height in my words, topics the host asked us to skip, and a blank for the actual light if it differs. If a rule is missing, write [VERIFY] on that line. Do not invent a two-drink minimum, a cover or a famous guest. A fictional 'the booker loves roasting the crowd' is how people bomb a silent room.

Write a next-line plan for a bit that dies, using lines I already like. Bit that might die: [RISKY BIT]. Next bit first line: [NEXT FIRST LINE]. Honest save I am willing to say: [HONEST SAVE]. Output three options of at most 15 words: Jump to next bit, Honest save, Cut and thank. If I did not supply an honest save, write [VERIFY] on that option. Do not invent a heckle comeback. Do not punch the room as stupid. Do not blame a protected class for the silence. A fake 'tough crowd in this city' I cannot prove is poison.

Make a set list card I can read under a brick-wall light. Bits in order: [BIT ORDER]. First words of each: [FIRST WORDS]. Target minutes: [TARGET MINUTES]. Output a vertical card, one bit per line, first words in caps, with a mark for the closer. If first words are missing for a bit, write [VERIFY] on that line. Do not invent a new order to 'improve flow'. Do not add a celebrity bit as a closer. A card with jokes I do not know is how people freeze.

Build a notes template I will fill after the mic, not a review you guess. Room: [ROOM NAME]. Date: [DATE]. Bits I did: [BITS I DID]. Output a form with blanks I must fill: crowd size I counted, light I got, which bit landed in my judgement, which bit I rushed, one line I want to try next time from [LINES I AM CONSIDERING]. If a line I am considering is blank, write [VERIFY] in that blank. Do not invent applause. Do not write 'they loved the celebrity bit' I did not do. A made-up packed room will teach me the wrong lesson.

Draft crowd-work questions from city facts I can stand behind. City facts I know: [CITY FACTS]. Questions I am willing to ask: [QUESTIONS I WILL ASK]. Off-limits: [OFF LIMITS]. Output 6 questions, each 10 words or fewer, that use a fact from my list or stay generic ('what did you do today'). If a question needs a neighbourhood I did not name, write [VERIFY] and drop it. Do not invent a local scandal. Do not ask about bodies, race, religion or disability. A fake 'I heard this town' line is how people get a true story thrown back.

Write a heckle boundary I will actually use. What I will say first time: [FIRST RESPONSE]. What I will say if it continues: [SECOND RESPONSE]. What I will not say: [WILL NOT SAY]. Output a 3 step card: Acknowledge, Boundary, Move on, with my words only. If a step is blank, write [VERIFY] and leave it empty. Do not invent a savage comeback. Do not punch a protected class. Do not quote a celebrity roast as if it were mine. A line I will not say in the daylight does not belong on this card.

Write room-read questions that stay kind and specific. What I already noticed walking in: [WHAT I NOTICED]. Host name if I have it: [HOST NAME]. Output 5 questions I could ask the room, each tied to something in [WHAT I NOTICED], plus a 10 word out if nobody answers. If I noticed nothing, write [VERIFY] and give me three things to look for next time instead of questions. Do not invent a couple in the front row. Do not ask who is on a date in a way that outs anyone. A made-up 'you in the hat' at an empty stool is death.

Check this crowd-work or roast draft against a no-go list. Draft: [DRAFT]. No-go list: [NO GO LIST]. Output a table with columns Line, Hits a no-go yes or no, Why in 12 words, Keep or cut. If you are unsure, write [VERIFY] and cut. Do not invent a rewrite that still hits the class. Do not add a celebrity to dunk on instead. Punching down in a new costume is still punching down.

Review a recording from notes I took, not from a myth. Recording date: [DATE]. What I saw on playback: [PLAYBACK NOTES]. What I thought in the room: [ROOM MEMORY]. Output a two-column table: What the playback shows, What my memory added. Mark any added glory or disaster that is not in the playback notes as [VERIFY] and strike it. Do not invent a laugh that the notes do not mention. Do not claim a celebrity was in the room. A story of a standing ovation that I did not write down is how sets stop improving.